French Toast

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by maximus, Jan 30, 2006.

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  1. maximus

    maximus Camp Fodder

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    Some French Jokes
    Fried French 12-26-05 10:17pm EST
    Since the French have given us so much (French Fries, French Kisses, etc), I see it time to congratulate them on a job well done, as they have taken credit for everything (including inventing the internet)

    Thanks France, remember, when your in trouble, Big Brother America will come to the rescue

    I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.” General George S. Patton.

    “Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.” Norman Schwartzkopf.

    “We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.” Marge Simpson

    “As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure” Jacques Chirac, President of France .

    “As far as France is concerned, you’re right.” Rush Limbaugh

    “The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.” Regis Philbin.

    “You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the face for it.” John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.

    “You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.” Conan O’Brien

    “I don’t know why people are surprised that France won’t help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn’t help us get Hitler out of France either” Jay Leno.

    “The last time the French asked for ‘more proof’ it came marching into Paris under a German flag.” David Letterman

    Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada. Ted Nugent.

    War without France would be like .. uh … World War II.

    “The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says First Iraq, then France.’” Tom Brokaw.

    “What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?” Dennis Miller.

    “It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.” Alan Kent

    “They’ve taken their own precautions against al-Qa’ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.” Argus Hamilton

    “Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day — the description was, ‘Never shot. Dropped once.’” Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

    “The French will only agree to go to war when we’ve proven we’ve found truffles in Iraq.” Dennis Miller

    Raise your right hand if you like the French … raise both hands if you are French.

    Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII? A. Table for 100,000 m’sieur?

    “Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It’s not known, it ’ s never been tried.” Rep. R. Blount (MO)

    “Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that’s because it was raining.” John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

    The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France ’ s white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

    French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003 The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
    #1
  2. SEC 330 BIPOLAR

    SEC 330 BIPOLAR jive turkey

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    My boss would love this post.
    He hates the French.
    #2
  3. maximus

    maximus Camp Fodder

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    While I dont hate the French, I did think it was funny.
    #3
  4. SEC 330 BIPOLAR

    SEC 330 BIPOLAR jive turkey

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    This is funny.
    [​IMG]
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  5. SEC 330 BIPOLAR

    SEC 330 BIPOLAR jive turkey

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    Workingman's News

    Well he did love it. I reposted nearly the entirety of the opening post on the message board viewed by my supervisor at work. It wasn't even 9am this morning and he approached me at my station and started yammering on about it. He was going on about some crazy hilarity.

    See, I've registered at his message board but he doesn't know it's really me.
    This morking he walked up to me laughing because some guy on his message board has got a thread that is quote "fragging" endquote The French. I just about shet my pants because I had completely forgotten about it.

    The cut and paste thread took no time at all and I did add that photo above spliced in the middle with no comment. I don't even read that board. I just posted some funny stuff there before. Look... I know YOU PEOPLE think I'm wierd already...So what if I like to screw with my boss? I can't help it if he spends half the day reading that board.

    I mean, it's cool...I can dig the post because it's really funny as hell...
    Honestly, I don't even have a double digit post count there.:winker:

    But my foreman...let's just say I've sat at lunch and have heard his anti-french rhetoric. This isn't post Iraq stuff...all historic and junk...just exactly the kind of stuff in the post. I swear to you man...he came back talking about it twice more. Then he went back to what he does.

    Whatever that is...mostly reading that message board.
    #5
  6. GoT

    GoT Strength and Honor Tip Jar Donor

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    [​IMG]
    Al: Bud, you know that I'm just sitting here on the couch and I know that I'm just sitting here on the couch, but you see, the rest of the days of the year, I'm selling shoes. Ladies' shoes. Fat ladies. Very, very, fat ladies. And what does fat do best? Fat sweats. So after selling fat sweat all year, one needs a little vacation. Besides if I didn't think that I was having a good time, I might just run amok and destroy everything and everyone I see.
    Bud: We'll discuss it when you get back.
    Al: Mais Qui






    The Ten Commandments of NO MA'AM - NO MA'AM stands for: National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood.

    1. It is OK to call hooters 'knockers' and sometimes snack trays
    2. It is wrong to be French
    3. It is OK to put all bad people in a giant meat grinder
    4. Lawyers, see rule three
    5. It is OK to drive a gas guzzler if it helps you get babes
    6. Everyone should car pool except us
    7. Bring back the word stewardesses
    8. Synchronized swimming is not a sport
    9. Mud wrestling is a sport


    "Carburetor" is a French word meaning "Leave It Alone". - Al Bundy

    "It is good to hate the French." - Al Bundy

    "The opera isn't over until the last heterosexual falls asleep."- Al Bundy
    #6
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