NFL Wildcard Weekend Games

That was some Justin McCariens alligator arm "please dont hit me" ass effort there.

 

because the sideline would of been out of bounds. A lot of people don't like Cam Newton because he's immature alot, but he's one of the most athletically gifted QBs anyone has ever seen and he puts up #s with terrible options

 

LOL

hes a corrupt squirrel

Spoiler

 

Gotta lurve them shoes, too!

 

This dude....lol

 

They be turnin heads down at the clurb.

 

My son walked in while I was watching the Jags/Bills "game" and he asked about the bills and the last time they and the jaguars were in the playoffs (he's 9).

So I told him about the last time the bills were in it and explained the Titans beat them, then beat the colts and the Jags before losing to the Rams.

He says "oh yea, I remember watching that colts game."
I laughed and told him that was almost 10 years before he was born and why that game against the bills was famous.

Since he doesn't really watch, I don't think he grasped how absolutely amazing the MCM was. He just knows to root for the Titans and that we play the patriots next week.

 

"Now son, repeat what daddy told you."

"It was clearly a lateral. Anyone who says it was a forward pass is clearly a commie and hates America and baby Jesus."

"Good boy. Now you remember the game where you fetch daddy a beer, and I guess which kind it is? Let's play. And ask your mother to make you a sandwich and bring that too."

 

Unbelievably accurate.

 

I am the world's worst uncle. My brother's wife is constantly getting mad at me for "being too real" with the kids.

Some notable instances...

1. I was babysitting my 7 year old niece. She was, at the time, a spoiled little brat. She yelled, "I want _____!" at me. I got down on one knee, looked her in the eye, and said, "Sweetie, you're a child. I don't give a crap what you want." She looked like I slapped her, such shock. Of course, she ratted to her mother, her mother got mad, and I didn't care at all.

2. I was driving with my nephew in the car. He unbuckles and stands up in the back seat. For the third time. I pull over, look him dead in the eye, and tell him that the next time he does that, I will pull over and give him an asswhooping.

He says, "No you won't, my parents would get mad."

"Your dad and I shared a room for 12 years. You think I'm worried if he's mad at me? Try me. I dare you."

(I would never spank someone else's kids. It was a bluff. But he didn't call it.)

3. Same nephew years later, kept getting in trouble. You see, it was that time in a young man's life when he discovers the joys of naked girls and playing with himself. His stepmother kept looking at his browser history, and he'd get in trouble.

So I taught him how to use incognito mode. Then we googled several permutations of "how to get away with killing my stepmother" and "how to dispose of a body."

My brother laughed and approved of the lessons. He knew there ain't no stopping it, and was tired of hearing his wife b!tch.

4. A couple of summers ago, the whole family was staying at a resort in Mexico with an open bar. Problem was, the open bar was downstairs, and we had a private infinity pool outside our suites.

So we did what any semi-inebriated group of adults would do. We kept sending the kids on drink runs.

My nephew complained. "Why do I have to do it?"

"Because the only reason people put up with having kids is to do things for them they don't want to do. Now go."

He gets to the bar, and ordered like 8 drinks. The bartender looks at him funny, he points to our balcony, where we give a thumbs up. He starts making the drinks, and piles them on a tray for my nephew.

Of course, as soon as he goes to pick up the tray, his grandparents, my parents, show up. We are all muttering, "Abort mission. Abort mission." But he doesn't. My parent's were not amused at using a 13 year old as our booze mule. At least we didn't use his 8 year old sister. She's not strong enough.