Inspirations for you. "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey.

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by nickmsmith, Feb 28, 2009.

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  1. nickmsmith

    nickmsmith Most poverty RB core.

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    Some of my faves,

    “If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting”


    “It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”


    “My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him.”


    “The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?”


    “Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared”


    “Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.”


    “I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.”


    “If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”


    “When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.”

    “If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.”


    "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

    "Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
     
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  2. Deuce Wayne

    Deuce Wayne NOW Y'ALL GET THE MESSICH?!

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    Handy was usually miss, IMO. But he did have some gems. Many you posted.

    “I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex"

    my favorite of these.
     
  3. Gunny

    Gunny Shoutbox Fuhrer

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    “Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared”

    That one made me lol.
     
  4. GoTitans3801

    GoTitans3801 Forward Progress!

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    "Like jewels in a crown, the stone shimmered in the Queen's round metal hat."
     
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